Trauma

3 things babyֱ��app and staff should know about using content and trigger warnings

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Aug 2024 16:39:49 +0000

3 things babyֱ��app and staff should know about using content and trigger warnings Anonymous (not verified) Mon, 08/19/2024 - 10:39

As a campus community, we should all strive to foster trauma-informed, resilient and inclusive classrooms and communities. When difficult topics come up in class or discussions, content warnings may feel like an obvious solution or a default strategy to prepare students.

Here are a few things you should know about content warnings and how to implement more trauma-informed practices within your classrooms.

1. What are content/trigger warnings?

Content and trigger warnings include any verbal or written notices that precede potentially distressing content. In the context of classrooms, these warnings are sometimes used to cover things like reading materials, lecture content, videos, homework assignments or topics that may come up in classroom discussions.

Warnings inherently make assumptions about how students may react or respond. They also indirectly communicate that only certain topics can be distressing. When trigger and content warnings are used in these ways, it often overlooks the range of ways trauma responses show up for people.

Additionally, content and trigger warnings rarely help individuals avoid certain subjects because, in practice, they are given within a moment’s notice. Moreover, research indicates they might even heighten feelings of distress or fear for some individuals.

2. Why are content/trigger warnings used?

Trigger and content warnings are often used with good intentions. In many cases they are meant to:

Provide emotional support
Help individuals prepare for or avoid material that may remind them of traumatization
Alert individuals that content relates to the experiences of historically marginalized groups
Validate strong emotional responses or dysregulation related to difficult topics
Show solidarity with marginalized communities and/or trauma survivors

While it is vital to recognize that students each have unique lives, histories and struggles, saying “trigger warning” right before discussing a topic is not a trauma-informed or inclusive approach to sharing class content.

3. How can we implement more trauma-informed practices?

The best way to prepare students for your courses is to be transparent about what content you plan to cover, and when. Try to make this a regular practice for all content and assignments (not just those you believe may be distressing). This allows students to build self-awareness and strengthen their decision-making skills.

Use your syllabi
Use your syllabus as a guide to let students know what content you plan to teach. Your syllabi should include a timeline for assignments, course discussions and other materials you plan to cover.

Provide timely reminders
Reminding students about upcoming assignments and lecture topics can help them better prepare for class. You can give them a heads up in class, through Canvas or regularly refer them to your syllabus schedule. Because we can’t know what kinds of content will be distressing to students, consistently reminding them of upcoming topics gives them the best opportunity to engage in self-care and self-advocacy.

Focus on content over impact
Regardless of the content you plan to cover, it’s important to avoid making or communicating assumptions about how students will respond or react to specific topics or materials. Instead, you should focus on being upfront about all themes and topic areas. Here are a few examples:

As I shared on Canvas, I will be covering [topic/theme] in class today.
Next week, we will be covering [topic/theme].
This video covers [topic/theme] and contains scenes and images that show [topic/theme].

Be mindful of unexpected responses
No one can predict what might or might not be triggering for individuals. For instance, certain smells, sounds or images may be distressing to some trauma survivors but not others. Avoid labeling content as distressing, which may not align with students’ emotional experiences.

It’s also important to avoid assuming a student is having a triggering response or singling them out based on their response. Instead, try to check in with your entire class. For instance, you could ask things like, “How are we feeling about this content?” or “Should we take a quick break?” Asking students to give a thumbs up or thumbs down is a great way to gauge overall sentiments without forcing anyone to self-disclose their own reaction.

Demonstrate an openness to feedback
While we all want to support our students, you may need to provide them with consistent reminders that you’re open to feedback. Here are a few strategies that can help students know they can approach you with feedback:

Provide ongoing reminders about office hours and what students can expect when they meet with you.
Solicit student opinions on assigned readings or lectures. You can ask things like, “Did you find this article helpful?” or “Do you like when I post the full slide deck on Canvas?”
Share changes that you have made based on other students’ feedback, so your class knows that their input matters.

Engage with student feedback
If a student shares that specific content has impacted them, take them seriously. Be sure to thank them for sharing their feedback and validate their feelings.

Brainstorm with them to find ways they can be accountable for your course’s learning objectives while taking care of themselves. You could use strategies like providing an option to do an at-home assignment instead of in-class participation, allowing flexibility for missing a class or the opportunity to take in the content through a different medium (e.g., a student could read about a subject instead of watching a depiction of it). When possible, let the student take the lead. They are best attuned to know what aspects of assignments or content are distressing or push their own emotional limits.

Take advantage of resources and training opportunities
Staff and babyֱ��app can take advantage of a variety of support resources and training opportunities on campus that will help them improve their classroom practices. Here are a few to check out.

Professional development resources

Trauma-informed presentations
OVA provides a variety of trauma-informed presentations covering topics like trauma support, self-care for vicarious trauma, making referrals, working with trauma and more.

Center for Teaching & Learning (CTL)

The CTL provides consultations, resources, programs and workshops for staff and babyֱ��app who want to improve their teaching practices, pose questions and have brave conversations within the classroom.

Supporting Student Resiliency Trainings

Health and Wellness Services offer a free three-part training series that covers student mental health, responding to trauma and motivational interviewing. You may sign up for any or all of the topics in the series.

Classroom practices support

The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) offers a free guide and resources to help staff and babyֱ��app navigate course expectations and manage difficult classroom dynamics.

Don’t Ignore It

Learn about confidential support resources, ways to report concerns, how to make referrals and skills for helping others.

Referral and reporting resources

Student Support & Case Management (SSCM)

If you are unsure if a student needs support or don’t know where to refer them, SSCM is a great place to start. You can fill out an online referral form, email them or call to share your concerns. SSCM case managers provide personalized support and help connect students with campus partners, community resources and other support systems.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

Staff and babyֱ��app can refer students, as well as their colleagues, to OVA for confidential support, consultation, advocacy and short-term trauma-focused counseling services. They also offer support for those who are helping someone through a traumatic experience.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies related to discrimination, harassment, sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse, stalking and conflicts of interest.

If you or a student has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.

Mandatory reporting

All employees with the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise, or direct babyֱ��app, staff, or students are considered

“responsible employees” and must report alleged discrimination and sexual misconduct to OIEC.

When difficult topics come up in class or discussions, content warnings may feel like an obvious solution or a default strategy to prepare students. Here are a few things you should know about content warnings and how to implement more trauma-informed practices within your classrooms.

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5 things everyone should know about sexual assault

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Mar 2024 06:00:00 +0000

5 things everyone should know about sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 03/28/2024 - 00:00

Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities.

Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.

1. Sexual assault can happen to anyone

The reality is that most sexual assaults are carried out by people who know the person they assault, including friends, acquaintances, classmates, co-workers, partners, exes, neighbors, dates or someone they met online or at a party. This often contradicts what people believe about who commits sexual assault and can make it more difficult to recognize when an assault happens. People who commit sexual assault take advantage of situational vulnerabilities to exert their will and operate from a sense of entitlement to someone else’s body.

Sexual assault can happen to anyone, though because of oppression and discrimination, women, people with disabilities and those who identify as bisexual or transgender are disproportionately impacted.

2. Consent is key

Consent is an ongoing agreement that people arrive at together. Consent can include words or actions that create mutual understanding, clear willingness and acceptance of any sexual activity.

Consent must be established before people engage in a sexual activity. This gives each person the opportunity to set personal boundaries and to understand the boundaries of others.

Here are a few essential things to know about consent:

Regardless of relationship status or sexual history, consent is required for every sexual encounter.
Body language, words and other non-verbal cues are all acceptable ways to demonstrate non-consent. Tuning into these signals is key to avoid overstepping boundaries, even when a person doesn’t feel comfortable addressing them directly or explicitly.
Consent is mutual. For instance, if someone consents to sex with a condom but their partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent. This behavior is often referred to as “stealthing.”
People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected.
Agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to do another activity, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t mean they consent to other sexual activities.
Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they are saying or doing. Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable, rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.

Learn more about affirmative consent

3. Sexual assault can include a wide range of experiences

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not, or was not able to, consent to.

This can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).
Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.

Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Additional forms of sexual harm include sexual harassment, exploitation (e.g., sharing nudes, videotaping sexual acts without consent, etc.) as well as abuse by an intimate partner.

Both sexual assault and sexual misconduct refer to legal thresholds under campus policy and criminal law. Harmful sexual experiences can still happen outside of these parameters.

If you or someone you know isn’t sure whether an experience may have been sexual assault, confidential advocate counselors on campus are available for free and confidential consultations, trauma-focused counseling and support. Advocate counselors with the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) are here to help students, staff and babyֱ��app understand and process their experiences as well as learn about their rights and options. Remember, you don’t have to know what to make of an experience to get support. Give them a call at 303-492-8855 or schedule an appointment.

4. Sexual assault can be prevented

Buffs should look out for each other, speak up about concerning behaviors and situations and take steps to create better interactions and a safer community.

Here are some ways to help improve and practice bystander skills:

Learn to identify high-risk situations
Keep an eye on people who hit on the drunkest person at a party, encourage others to over-drink, try to get a drunk person alone or away from their friends, are persistent about pursuing someone sexually or commit low-level boundary violations. It’s not that people don’t understand consent, it’s that some people aren’t interested in honoring it.

Intervene in concerning situations
If you see someone in a potentially harmful or high-risk situation, you can do something to intervene. Bystanders are particularly important in situations where someone is being pursued by someone else because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault.

Keep track of friends
At parties, high-proof alcohol mixed with sweet punch or juice might be served to increase the likelihood that people will become intoxicated. It’s common for those who perpetrate sexual assault to encourage alcohol consumption or target those who seem incapacitated. It’s important to check in with a friend if you observe any sudden changes (e.g., difficulty standing, disorientation, etc.) that might indicate they’ve had too much to drink.

Don’t leave someone behind
Commit to not ditching someone if they have too much to drink and/or become unwilling to stick with the plan to stay together. Sticking together decreases the likelihood that someone will have to rely on lesser-known friends or strangers to get home. It’s also important to consider whether someone who is offering to walk a person home or look after an intoxicated person is trustworthy or is potentially looking for access to someone who is vulnerable.

Trust your instincts
If a situation feels weird or wrong, it probably is. If you think someone’s behavior feels uncomfortable or unsafe, follow your gut. It’s okay to make up an excuse to interject or interrupt a situation that feels ‘off.’ You can act like you don’t feel well and need them to leave with you, you need them to check on a friend or you want them to go with you to get something to eat.

5. Support is available

Resources are available for those who have experienced sexual assault, who want to support friends and survivors, or who want to learn more about sexual assault prevention. Students often reach out to friends or family members first when something bad happens. Having the skills to respond effectively without blame or judgment is vital. Learn more skills for supporting your friends through the aftermath of a traumatic event.

Here are some of the resources available to support survivors and friends at CU Boulder:

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, babyֱ��app and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including sexual assault and harassment.

Confidential resource

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.

Don't Ignore It

Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.

Mandatory reporting

All university employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct babyֱ��app, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and are required to report alleged misconduct to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). This includes resident advisors, teaching assistants, professors, graduate instructors, academic advisors, coaches or other university employees with oversight authority.

Any sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation disclosed to a responsible employee must be reported to OIEC. The person impacted has the choice about whether and how they want to proceed. Reporting is required to help ensure that people understand their rights and options and the resources available.

Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Psychological Health and Performance (PHP), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.

Learn more about mandatory reporting

Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.

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3 things everyone should know about stalking

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0000

3 things everyone should know about stalking Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 01/18/2024 - 00:00

January is Stalking Awareness Month

Learn how you can seek support for yourself, a friend or a colleague.

Popular culture, like shows and movies, can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly turn into discomfort or fear when it’s unwelcome. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking.

#1 Stalking can take many forms

Stalking goes beyond following someone. It can include a variety of tactics, which can happen in person and/or online. Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, threatened or in danger.

Examples of stalking behaviors include:

Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not include direct threats
Creating fake profiles to continue contacting a person after they have been blocked on someone’s personal account
Observing, following or “coincidentally” showing up wherever the person goes
Waiting outside of the person’s class, home, job, car, etc.
Leaving notes, gifts or other items for the person
Spreading rumors online and/or in person

Posting messages or images of the person on social media or in discussion groups without permission
Vandalism or destruction of property, including sabotaging school or other work
Breaking into the person’s home, babyֱ��app or car
Hacking into the person’s social media, email or other accounts
Collecting information about or attempting to contact the person through friends, family members, coworkers or acquaintances

#2 Stalking can happen to anyone

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous or current intimate relationship, a person can also be stalked by roommates, friends, classmates, colleagues or someone they have never met or only met once, including matches on dating apps.

Here are some ways to identify healthy, unhealthy and concerning behaviors that may prompt someone to seek additional help or support:

Healthy boundaries are: When you say “no” the other person respectfully leaves you alone and does not attempt to contact you again.

Unhealthy behaviors are: When you say “no” the other person continues to contact you again and again.

Consider discussing with someone or documenting what is happening: When you say “no” more than once and the other person tries to talk you into saying “yes,” continues to contact you and/or contacts you more often.

Consider seeking help from an advocate, the police, or other professional: When you are contacted repeatedly, the other person shows up where you are, indirectly threatens you, is disrespectful and/or does not take “no” for an answer.

Call 911: When the other person directly threatens you, tries to harm you, harms you or damages your property (including your pets).

#3 Context is key

Gift giving, location tracking, or sending multiple texts can be components of a healthy friendship or romantic relationship. It can feel really special for your roommate to bring you a coffee just because or have friends checking an app to make sure you got home safe. The key here is that these behaviors are wanted and help increase a sense of safety within the relationship.

Stalking, on the otherhand, is a pattern of unwanted behavior that reduces a person’s sense of safety. From the outside it may look similar to some of those innocuous behaviors, but to the person experiencing it, it can really feel threatening. The context of the behavior and the impact it has on the recipient is key.

Stalking violates CU’s campus policies and is considered a serious crime in babyֱ��app. CU Boulder provides a number of reporting and support options for those experiencing stalking.

Support resources for students, staff and babyֱ��app

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking behaviors, it’s important to connect them with appropriate support resources and services.

General support

The Don’t Ignore It website provides options for seeking confidential support on and off campus, skills for helping others and reporting options related to sexual misconduct, stalking, intimate partner abuse, harassment and discrimination.

Confidential services

Students, staff and babyֱ��app can get confidential support and/or counseling through the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) by calling 303-492-8855 or filling out a confidential request form online. This form will only be reviewed by OVA staff—the university will not be notified and no investigative action will take place. If you would like to get in contact with an OVA advocate counselor, be sure to include your contact information. OVA advocate counselors can provide additional support to help individuals explore their rights and options, make a safety plan and reporting options if needed, discuss their living situation and more.

University reporting

If you think you may be experiencing stalking, you can report the incident to the CU Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). OIEC can address concerns in a variety of ways including a formal grievance process or through a policy compliance meeting with the person engaging in behaviors that might be considered stalking. Additionally, OIEC may be able to provide safety and supportive measures, such as no contact orders, academic support remedies and more. You can file a report with OIEC by calling 303-492-2127, emailing cureport@colorado.edu or filling out a report online.

Law enforcement reporting

Reporting to the police can take many forms and doesn’t have to lead to filing of criminal charges. An informational or anonymous report is sometimes an option to make the police aware of the situation. Individuals may have the option to ask police to contact the person to give a verbal warning or press criminal charges. If stalking behaviors have occured on campus, contact the CU Boulder Police Department. Otherwise, contact your local police department.

Shows and movies can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly cross boundaries. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking behaviors.

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6 signs of depression you shouldn’t ignore

Anonymous — Wed, 13 Sep 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 signs of depression you shouldn’t ignore Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 09/13/2023 - 00:00

When we experience mental health struggles, it can sometimes take a toll on our relationships, academics, work performance and overall quality of life. Whether you or someone you know is struggling, help is available.

Here are six signs of depression you shouldn’t ignore (and where to find support).

Signs of depression

1. Difficulty getting out of bed

It’s perfectly normal to enjoy sleeping in or spending time in bed. However, if it has become difficult to find the motivation to get out of bed or get ready in the morning, this could be a sign of depression. Depression can make us feel fatigued, both physically and mentally, to the point where even small tasks, like waking up or showering, can feel exhausting or difficult.

2. Changes in sleep

The physical and mental exhaustion that comes with depression can also affect our sleep, which can show up in a variety of ways. This can look like sleeping throughout the day, using sleep to pass the time or choosing sleep over other daily activities.

However, you may also experience bouts of insomnia, which can make it difficult to fall or stay asleep at night. This can create a cycle where our anxious thoughts keep us up or disrupt our sleep, which can in turn lead to more anxious thoughts.

3. Changes in appetite

Depression can affect our appetite and eating habits. Some people may experience increased hunger, while others may have less of an appetite or not be hungry at all. If you notice changes in your sleep habits, like the ones listed above, you may also notice changes in the way you eat. This is because sleep helps regulate our hunger hormones, which helps our bodies avoid over- or under-eating.

4. Persistent irritability or mood swings

When someone is struggling with depression, changes in mood can switch at a moment’s notice. One second, we may be angry, the next we’re crying or shutting down. Sometimes these changes can be triggered by small or insignificant challenges, while other times they may be completely unprovoked. If you notice a pattern of irritability, outbursts or quick changes in mood for more than a few days, it may be linked to depression.

5. Difficulty experiencing joy or connection

When we’re depressed, it can take all the joy out of things we used to love and make it harder to connect with others. We may begin to lose interest in hobbies, friendships, schoolwork, extracurriculars, sex or life in general. In some cases, people may isolate themselves from close friends, family members or others who care about them, which can perpetuate feelings of hopelessness or loneliness and symptoms of depression.

6. Self-harm and self-injury

Depression and anxiety can create overwhelming emotions, and some people may turn to self-harm in search of relief. Typically, when someone engages in self-harm behaviors, they do not do it with the intention of dying by suicide, but rather a way to manage painful emotions.

Self-harm can take many forms and vary from person to person. Some examples include damaging one’s skin (cutting, burning, scratching or carving), hitting or punching oneself, piercing one’s skin with sharp objects, picking or reopening wounds and banging one’s head or body into other surfaces like a wall or door.

Because self-harm and self-injury are highly stigmatized, it can be difficult for people who self-harm to seek out support. However, there are supportive and confidential services available on campus, including counseling, recovery groups and more.

Supporting a fellow Buff

If you notice a roommate, friend, coworker or classmate experiencing any of these symptoms, here are a few things you can do to help.

Acknowledge their feelings

Oftentimes, when someone is depressed or thinking about suicide, they will disclose their feelings to friends or loved ones before seeking out resources. If someone expresses difficulties, even if they don’t refer to it as depression, acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you’re there for them.

Express concern

If someone expresses the desire to hurt themselves, shares thoughts of suicide or displays concerning behaviors, let them know you’re worried about them. You can say something like, “You haven’t seemed like you have been feeling off lately, and I’m worried about you. Is everything okay?”

Remain calm

It’s normal to feel anxious when someone discloses that they’re experiencing mental health difficulties, including depression or suicidal ideation, but it’s important to appear calm and confident. If we come off as nervous or stressed, it may make the other person feel like they need to take care of us. Remember, it’s okay to seek support for yourself while offering support to others.

Listen without offering judgment or advice

Listen to your loved ones when they tell you about their experiences, emotions and difficulties. Avoid passing judgement, relaying your own experiences or offering advice about what you think they should do. Instead, focus on being there for them in the moment. Your job isn’t to fix the situation but to help them feel heard and understood.

Ask what would be helpful

Everyone needs help in different ways. Ask them what might be most helpful, but keep in mind that people often don’t know what they need. If they have specific requests, let them know which ones you can reasonably help with. If they aren’t sure, you can offer to help them clean, go grocery shopping or check in on them. You can also make a plan to check in with them later to give them time to reflect on what might be helpful for them without being put on the spot.

Share resources

If someone you know is struggling, know that you don’t have to carry that burden for them. Instead, let them know there are resources available to help. When sharing resources, avoid forcing that person to use them. Instead, allow them to choose how and when they seek out help. If they are comfortable finding more support, you can offer to help them connect with resources on or off campus.

Campus resources

Mental health resources

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS): Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) provides mental health support for all CU Boulder students, including same-day mental health screenings, brief individual therapy, group therapy, workshops and crisis support. CAPS is open to students.

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP): FSAP is committed to promoting the mental and emotional well-being of CU’s staff and babyֱ��app. They offer free consultations, brief individual therapy and workshops. FSAP is open to staff and babyֱ��app.

AcademicLiveCare: AcademicLiveCare is a free telehealth platform that allows CU Boulder students, staff and babyֱ��app to schedule virtual medical and mental health appointments regardless of your insurance plan. This service does not provide emergency or crisis services. Academic LiveCare is open to students, staff and babyֱ��app.

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM): The severity of someone’s distress may be unclear, or you may be concerned about a student and don’t know how to move forward. If this is the case, you can refer students to SSCM. SSCM case managers connect students with campus partners, community resources and support systems, while also building a trusting relationship and coaching them toward self-advocacy. SSCM services are open to students. Students, staff and babyֱ��app can make referrals for students.

Anthem Gold Student Health Insurance Plan (SHIP): Students enrolled in CU Boulder’s Anthem Gold Student Health Insurance Plan (SHIP) have access to comprehensive medical, mental health and prescription coverage, including 100% coverage for in-network mental health visits. Services are open to enrolled students.

CU Health Insurance Plans: All CU employee health plans include one free preventive mental health care visit per plan year for employees and covered dependents. Plans also offer coverage for mental health specialists that are in-network. For specific plan information, please consult the Employee Services website. Services are open to staff and babyֱ��app.

Additional support

Suicide prevention resources: Health and Wellness Services has put together information to help you talk openly about suicide, support someone you’re concerned about, attend mental health training sessions and get support if you or someone you know is considering suicide. Services are open to students, staff and babyֱ��app.

Thriving Campus: Need help finding a mental health provider in the community? Thriving Campus can help you find and connect with local providers based on your needs, insurance coverage and more.

Mental Health First Aid: CU Boulder offers free Mental Health First Aid training to students, staff and babyֱ��app. During this training you will learn about risk factors and warning signs, engage in experiential activities and learn about evidence-supported treatment and self-help strategies. Trainings are open to students, staff and babyֱ��app.

WellCU: CU Boulder students can sign up for a free WellCU program to learn about mental health and well-being. Topics include trauma response, suicide prevention, self-care and more. Students who complete all five modules will receive a non-degree certificate. WellCU is open to students.

Supporting Student Resiliency: The Supporting Student Resiliency Professional Development Series provides CU babyֱ��app and staff with concrete skills to better support students. Sessions focus on areas critical to student retention and success. Faculty and staff can attend any individual session or attend all three sessions to receive a non-degree certificate. The series is open to staff and babyֱ��app.

Red Folder: Red Folder provides a quick reference guide to help staff, babyֱ��app and families recognize, respond to and refer students who are experiencing distress. Red Folder is open to staff and babyֱ��app.

Watching someone struggle with their mental health can be difficult. Here are some common symptoms of depression and ways to help a loved one who may be struggling.

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6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Jun 2023 14:29:00 +0000

6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’ Anonymous (not verified) Tue, 06/27/2023 - 08:29

New relationships are exciting, especially when you meet someone you instantly click with. In many cases, feeling connected and comfortable can be a sign of a healthy relationship to come. This is true whether it’s a new friend or potential romantic interest. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can also shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off.

Here are six things to know about love bombing.

1. What is love bombing?

‘Love bombing’ is a popularized term used to describe overwhelming and often incongruent affection during the early stages of a relationship. One person goes above and beyond to please the other person by giving excessive compliments, pushing for commitment or more time together, making grand gestures and sending over-the-top gifts.

While these behaviors aren’t always indicative of love or relationship bombing, they can become worrisome when they cause someone in the relationship to feel overwhelmed, manipulated or disingenuous. It’s important to keep in mind that love bombing differs from initial friendship or courtship by what happens next, after people are more settled into a relationship.

3. What does love bombing look like?

Love bombing is characterized by a number of behaviors that are typically meant to sweep someone off their feet or make a new relationship feel extra exciting. However, it’s important to recognize when these behaviors make you feel uncomfortable. This can be especially difficult when it seems like these are things that you shouldn’t feel bad about. How can such positive things feel yucky?

Knowing how to identify what feels good and what doesn’t can help inform discussions around boundaries and comfort level. It can also serve as a guide for making important decisions about the relationship moving forward.

Here are some behaviors to pay attention to:

Extreme flattery

Receiving compliments can make us feel good and boost our confidence. On the flip side, too many compliments can feel overwhelming.

Love bombers will often:

Give sweeping compliments before they really know someone.
Insist on how much better or more unique someone is compared to other people, especially their exes or other friends.
Over communicate their feelings.
Repeat the same compliments again and again.
Flatter someone so much that the compliments may feel forced, fake or inauthentic.

Getting too personal too quickly

Getting to know someone is important, but if it feels like someone is getting too personal too quickly, it may feel invasive or awkward.

Love bombers will often:

Readily divulge highly personal details within the first few encounters (e.g. detailed dating history, medical/psychiatric history, financial or family issues, etc.).
Take an extreme interest in the other person's family, career and hobbies.
Ask probing questions or pry in an effort to know everything about someone right away.
Ask the other person to share secrets with them before properly earning their trust.

Pressure to commit

All relationships have different timelines. If someone takes the reins or forces a relationship to move faster than the other person is comfortable with, it may be a sign to hit pause.

Love bombers will often:

Pressure someone to commit to a relationship very early in the relationship.
Insist on meeting close friends or family early on.
Want to move in or get engaged within a relatively short period of time.
Have early and intense talks about the relationship’s future such as “when we move in together” or “I can’t imagine my future without you.”

Declarations of love

Deeper connections don’t happen overnight, even if sparks fly on the first encounter.

Love bombers will often:

Insist on being soulmates.
Make big displays of affection or grand gestures in public or on social media.
Say “I love you” very early on in a relationship (and may get upset if the sentiment is not reciprocated).
Insist they will “wait” for the other person if they cannot commit to a relationship right now (even if they don’t mean it).

Intense clinginess

It’s normal to want to text, call and spend time with a new friend or potential partner. However, if someone becomes too clingy, it may quickly become overwhelming.

Love bombers will often:

Text, call or want to hang out non-stop, even if the other person is busy.
Invite themselves along to the other person’s plans.
Make the other person feel guilty for ‘neglecting’ them.
Isolate the other person from friends or family.
Ignore the other person’s time, schedule and commitments.

Over-the-top gifts

Gifts can be a nice gesture, but if they are excessive or feel conditional it can be a sign that someone is trying to exploit or manipulate their partner.

Love bombers will often:

Shower partners in unneeded or unwanted gifts.
Take gift-giving to an extreme (e.g. buying five bouquets of flowers instead of one).
Buy overly expensive or excessive gifts early on (e.g. jewelry, electronics, travel, etc.)
Remind the other person of how much they’ve done for them or given them.
Use gifts as a way to make the other person feel indebted.

Jealousy

It’s normal to feel some jealousy in any relationship, whether it’s a partner, friend or colleague. However, persistent, intense jealousy can limit a person’s autonomy.

Love bombers will often:

Get upset any time their friend or partner spends time with other people.
Justifying bad behaviors by turning things around on their partner (e.g. texting an ex to get back at their partner for texting a platonic friend).
Isolate their friend or partners from others including friends or family members.
Stonewall the other person or use the silent treatment to get their way.

Constant reassurance

Everyone has insecurities, but if someone needs constant reassurance, praise or validation, it may be a sign that something deeper is happening.

Love bombers will often:

Put themselves down with the expectation that their partners will reassure them.
Get upset when their friend or partner doesn’t respond to texts or get back to them quickly enough.
Ask for confirmation of the other person’s love for them or reassurance that they’re just as committed to the relationship.

Sudden distance or coldness

Does everything seem okay… until it’s suddenly not? If someone suddenly becomes cold or distant after showing over the top affection, it could be concerning.

Love bombers will often:

Disappear without warning, even when everything seemed fine.
Withdraw or get angry when others set or reinforce healthy boundaries.
Belittle others for not being “committed enough”, especially if the other person wants to slow things down.
Point out their partner’s flaws after previously

Important note

In any relationship, it’s important to be mindful of our own emotions and experiences. If you feel embarrassed about the intensity of a new relationship or you downplay it because you think people may judge you, those are good signs that you may need to take some time to reflect on the relationship. Most importantly, if something feels off, it probably is. Trust your instincts and intuition. There isn’t an obligation to stay in a relationship that isn’t good for you.

3. Why is love bombing harmful?

Love bombing can cause emotional turmoil for the recipient as the relationship progresses.

During the beginning of the relationship, a love bomber may bombard the other person with excessive love and affection. They may seem to be too good to be true and create excitement about the importance of the relationship or the possibilities of where it could go.

However, when they sense that the other person has become comfortable and the relationship is more secure, their behavior may start to shift. Love bombers may begin to exert control over the other person.

Here are some red flags to look out for:

Limiting a person’s access to friends or family
Gaslighting the other person (e.g. shifting blame, denying the truth, minimizing or dismissing the needs of others, using love or friendship as an excuse for harmful behaviors, “forgetting” something took place, etc.)
Acting out of unreasonable jealousy
Engaging in other abusive behaviors like intimidation or physical harm

This is why love bombing is considered a form of abuse, and it often leaves the affected person feeling disoriented and confused about what changed.

4. What should someone do if they suspect love bombing?

Love bombing behaviors and patterns can be subtle. Keep in mind that kind gestures aren’t automatically indicative of love bombing or manipulation. If you’re in a new relationship and feel like something is amiss, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to terminate the relationship. Instead, take time to slow down and reflect on your perspective.

Here are some strategies you can use:

Set boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations that we set in order to protect our own well-being. Setting and enforcing boundaries can help you navigate relationships in a more positive way and help us avoid feelings of anger, resentment or burnout over things that may have otherwise been left unsaid. In a new relationship, it can be helpful to set boundaries around how much time we want to spend with someone, how often we want to text or call throughout the day, how soon we want to meet friends or family members and what types of displays of affection we are or are not comfortable with.

Take inventory

Taking time to reflect on our life and relationships can help us identify what is going well and what is not. When taking inventory of a relationship, be sure to account for your own perspective and experiences as well as your friend’s or partner’s. For instance, it’s important to consider where you’re both coming from, what you both want out of the relationship and how you want to move forward with one another.

Consider asking yourself things like:

What was your life like before this relationship?
How has your life changed since being in this relationship?
Do you spend your time differently now than you did before?
Is there anyone you’ve lost touch with since this relationship started that you wish you hadn’t?
Do you and your friend or partner want the same things out of the relationship?
What expectations do you have for the relationship? What about your friend or partner?

Answering these questions can help you clarify your relationship and make it healthy for everyone involved.

Learn what to look for in a healthy relationship

Talk to an objective third party

Talking to others about a situation can help us gain perspective. Keep in mind that friends and family members are often invested in what they think is best for us, especially when it comes to relationships. It's important to choose a trusted person who can offer an objective perspective without judgment. If they share concerns about someone we are in a relationship with, we can try to understand why they see it that way. They may identify something that we might be missing or minimizing..

If you don’t think your friends or family can remain objective, consider talking to a mental health provider about what you’re feeling and experiencing in a relationship. This can be a great way to explore your own boundaries, expand your healthy relationship skills, identify what you value in a friend or partner and get clarity about what you want.

Accept that sometimes things just don’t work out

Give yourself permission to change or leave a relationship that feels unhealthy, and remember to show yourself compassion and kindness through this process.

Prioritize your safety

If a romantic partner or friend oversteps your boundaries or makes you question your safety, including when attempting to end a relationship, it can be important to have a safety plan in place.

Check out these safety planning tips

5. How can I help a friend who is being love bombed?

It’s never a good idea to try and control someone else’s behavior. This is true even when we are trying to be good friends and get our loved ones out of relationships that don’t seem all that great. When we try to convince or persuade others, we often lose our ability to be a supportive listener and forfeit our loved one’s trust in the process. Opening up a conversation and holding space for a friend to process whether or not they think they want to make a change or not is one of the best ways to offer support.

Here are a few tips for starting a conversation if you suspect someone is in an unhealthy relationship

Invite them to the conversation

It can be tempting to jump head first into a serious conversation or offer advice. However, this often causes the other person to feel defensive, making it harder for them to hear your perspective. Instead, invite a conversation and keep the door open for future dialog. You can say something like, “Hey, I wanted to check in with you about your new relationship.” If they say no or not right now, ask if there is a good time that you can sit down together to talk. If they say yes, you can say something like, “If you're open to it, I want to hear how things are going and what you’ve been up to.”

Listen first

When starting a conversation about something that is deeply personal, it’s important to prioritize listening. Ask your friend how their relationship is going. What are they looking for in the relationship? Are there things that are going really well or anything they don’t like or are unsure about? How do they feel about the way the relationship is progressing? Take time to listen to them without judging or interjecting your own perspective. It’s also important to keep in mind that relationships aren’t always all good or all bad. Allow your friend to share how they’re feeling and what they’ve noticed from their own perspective and experience.

Go deeper

Seek to understand what your friend is saying. If they mention something that concerns you or relates to your own concerns, ask follow up questions. For instance, if they mention that their partner has already said “I love you” but they’re not ready yet, ask them to elaborate on how it makes them feel. Does it make them uncomfortable when their partner says it? Do they feel pressured to say it back even if they’re not ready? Does their partner get upset if they don’t say it back? Allow your friend to explore their feelings and how different behaviors may be impacting them.

Be specific

As you understand your friend’s perspective more, there may be an opportunity to share your perspective. It’s always best to ask if they are open to hearing what you think. If you share concerns, it’s better to use specific examples of things that you’ve noticed, explain why it concerns you and ask them what they think of how you see it. For example, you may bring up the fact that their partner gives them lavish gifts even though they've only been together for a short period of time. If this is the case, you can share that you’re concerned because you wonder if it feels like their partner may expect them to pay their partner back if the relationship doesn’t work out or make them feel bad if they can’t return the gesture.

Be patient and show up with empathy

Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. Remember that they may be feeling flattered and excited about the attention they’re receiving. These feelings can often override their intuition about the situation and cause them to glaze over things that concern them. For that reason, it may take time for your friend to see things that aren’t working for them. It is also possible that they won’t share your concerns or perspective. Be patient and don’t force your perspective on them. This can often push them away. However, you can set boundaries to take care of yourself.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that you can't control your friend’s decisions about their relationships or the way they live their life. The most important thing you can do is to keep the door open for offering support, no matter what they decide to do.

6. What resources are available?

If you or someone you know is struggling in a relationship, there are resources available to help.

Campus resources

The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential trauma-specific counseling and advocacy for students, staff and babyֱ��app around various traumatic experiences, including intimate partner abuse and domestic violence. Call 303-492-8855 (24/7) to talk to an advocacy counselor. You can also browse more information related to intimate partner abuse on their website.

Available for: students, staff, babyֱ��app

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS works with students to address a variety of mental health concerns, including navigating relationships. They also offer process therapy groups to help students learn valuable skills related to building and maintaining healthy relationships with friends, family and romantic partners.

Available for: students

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

All CU Boulder staff and babyֱ��app can access free counseling services through FSAP, including short-term individual, relationship and family counseling. Employees do not need to use paid time off (PTO) or sick time in order to access FSAP services, including during the workday.

Available for: staff, babyֱ��app

Don’t Ignore It

This free online resource can help students, staff, babyֱ��app and community members navigate reporting options and get help for themselves or others. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore it.

Available for: students, staff, babyֱ��app

Community resources

The Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN)

SPAN provides a number of services to the Boulder community, including a 24/7 crisis line, shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, housing and transitional services and anti-violence education.

Violence Free babyֱ��app

This organization can provide information on shelters and 24/7 hotlines throughout babyֱ��app. They also provide other information related to intimate partner abuse and domestic violence specific to babyֱ��app.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

This hotline is available 24/7 and offers support in more than 200 languages at 1-800-799-7233. You can also chat with someone through their website at thehotline.org/help. All phone calls and chats are confidential.

The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ communities. Access 24/7 support by calling 1-866-488-7386. Support is also available through online chat and texting.

New relationships are often exciting. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can also shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off.

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7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault

Anonymous — Wed, 01 Mar 2023 17:11:11 +0000

7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 03/01/2023 - 10:11

The reality is that most sexual assaults are carried out by friends, acquaintances, partners, exes or by a person someone has met online or at a party. Perpetrators often rely on substances (with or without a person’s knowledge) to commit sexual assault.

Here are seven things you should know about drug-facilitated sexual assault and drink spiking.

1. What is drug-facilitated sexual assault?

There are two primary ways that drug-facilitated sexual assault occurs.

A person takes advantage of someone’s voluntary use of alcohol or other drugs.
A person intentionally forces someone to consume alcohol or other drugs with or without their knowledge to manipulate the situation and commit sexual assault. This can include tactics like spiking drinks.

Many survivors have strong feelings of self-blame after a sexual assault, even when someone takes advantage of them through the use of alcohol or other drugs. It’s important to remember that even when someone chooses to use substances, they are not giving up their bodily autonomy or choosing to be violated. The blame for sexual assault always rests with the person who committed the assault.

2. What substances can be used to facilitate sexual assault?

Alcohol is the most commonly used substance in drug-facilitated sexual assault, but other substances can also be slipped into alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks. This is often referred to as drink spiking.

Substances that are often used to spike drinks include:

Prescription drugs like sleep aids, anxiety medication, muscle relaxers and/or tranquilizers.
Over- the- counter medications like Benadryl, which can increase intoxication when mixed with alcohol.
Street drugs, like GHB, Rohypnol (‘roofies’), ecstasy, molly and/or ketamine (K), which can be added to drinks (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) without changing the color, flavor or odor of the beverage.

3. What should you look out for?

If you’re at a party or out with friends, it’s important to keep an eye out for sketchy situations that may indicate that someone is trying to facilitate sexual assault through the use of alcohol or other drugs.

Watch out for someone who is:

Coercing or pressuring someone beyond their comfort zone to consume more alcohol or drugs than they are comfortable with to make them vulnerable.
Initiating sexual contact with someone because they are intoxicated and less likely to resist.
Isolating someone who has had too much to drink or is having a negative drug experience to take advantage of them.
Not telling someone what is in their drink or the type of dosage of drug they are ingesting to incapacitate a person and gain access to them.

4. What are some common symptoms someone may experience?

Many symptoms of drugging are similar to those someone might experience from excessive drinking or purposefully mixing substances. This is because people can easily lose track of how much they’ve consumed. Additionally, drinking high-proof alcohol (e.g., vodka, tequila, whiskey, etc.) with a mixer or something sweet can increase the likelihood of someone becoming intoxicated quickly.

Drugging often results in sudden changes in how a person feels or behaves. These symptoms typically occur quickly even when someone has consumed very little or no alcohol.

Signs of drugging to watch for:

Sudden onset of feeling drunk after having consumed very little or no alcohol
Sudden difficulty breathing
Sudden dizziness, disorientation or blurred vision
Sudden nausea
Sudden body temperature that may result in sweating or teeth chattering
Waking up with no memory or missing large portions of memory

5. What should you do if you believe someone has been drugged?

If you notice any of the symptoms listed above in yourself or someone else, find a trusted person immediately. Friends and bystanders are particularly important in situations when someone is vulnerable due to their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentional incapacitated by drugs in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault or other crimes. Impaired and incapacitated people are unable to advocate for and protect themselves.

Learn effective intervention strategies

6. How can you preserve evidence?

If you or someone you know suspects that they have been drugged, steps can be taken to preserve evidence for a possible investigation. Many of these drugs leave the body quickly (typically within 12 to 72 hours). If someone can’t go to the hospital immediately, they can save their urine in a clean, sealable container as soon as possible and place it in the fridge or freezer.

Find support resources or a medical center that can provide sexual assault forensic exams (SANE) and test blood and urine for substances.

7. What support resources are available?

If you believe that you have been drugged or sexually assaulted, there are resources available to help.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, staff and babyֱ��app who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic or disturbing event, including sexual assault.

Confidential resource

Don’t Ignore It
The Don’t Ignore It website provides information about reporting, getting support and helping a friend. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t ignore it.

Medical Services
Medical Services at Wardenburg Health Center provides urine testing for drugs, pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)
OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymously reporting is an option as well.

Police
If you would like to have your case investigated, you can contact your local police department. You can call their direct or visit a station in person. You can also contact CU Boulder Police (CUPD) for support. Call or text 911, call the CUPD non-emergency line at 303-492-6666 or visit the website.

Support for international students, staff and babyֱ��app
Individuals who have experienced certain crimes, such as sexual assault or domestic violence, may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the U visa or VAWA self-petition, regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline. Learn more about free or low-cost legal immigration services.

Alcohol and other substances are often used to commit sexual assault. Here are some things you should know about drug-facilitated sexual assault and drink spiking.

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12 months later: Healing from the embers of the Marshall Fire

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Dec 2022 19:12:49 +0000

12 months later: Healing from the embers of the Marshall Fire Anonymous (not verified) Mon, 12/19/2022 - 12:12

Written by Stanley Ly, MA, LPC, Director, Faculty and Staff Assistance Program

Dec 30, 2022 will mark the one year anniversary since the Marshall Fire damaged and destroyed more than 1,000 homes and businesses in Superior, Louisville and Boulder County, disrupting and displacing many lives in our community. We understand that this anniversary may be difficult for many of our community members, especially as responders continue efforts to contain the Sunshine Wildland Fire outside of Boulder.

Anniversaries of difficult and traumatic events may bring up a variety of feelings or lead to intense reactions. Although it may be tempting to find ways to avoid those difficult feelings, bringing purposeful attention and self-compassion around anniversaries of traumatic events, like the Marshall Fire, can make these reactions less severe and help those affected feel more empowered.

Anniversary reactions

Anniversary reactions are usually involuntary feelings on or near the anniversary date that bring up strong reminders or memories of a traumatic event itself. These involuntary feelings may resemble fearfulness, anxiety, sadness, numbness, hyperarousal or other difficult feelings.

Physical symptoms, like stomach pain, fatigue, nervousness, lethargy or headaches, may also manifest near the anniversary date. Those who have been affected may find themselves isolating, or using alcohol or other drugs to cope.

It is also important to note that the impact of an anniversary can vary from person to person and it’s best to try not to compare the experiences of those who were impacted by the same or similar event, as it is common to have different needs and reactions, even within the same family.

For Marshall Fire survivors, the one year anniversary may bring about particular sensitivity to the wind or the smell of smoke, including smoke plumes from a chimney. They may also experience acute anxiety and grief.

What to do about anniversary reactions

Look to be proactive and intentional about taking care of yourself on the anniversary, as well as the days leading up to the anniversary.

Here are some ideas to consider:

Identify the people in your life who care about you and make plans to contact each other and stay connected.
Incorporate movement into your day, such as exercising, walking, hiking or whatever else helps your body and mind feel strong.
Try to engage in things and people that help you to feel more loved and present in the moment.
Eat nourishing foods and stay hydrated.
Practice good sleep hygiene.
Limit or avoid using substances like drugs and alcohol to attempt to nullify painful or difficult emotions.
Externalize your thoughts and feelings through activities like journaling, art or physical activities.
Practice acceptance and letting go of what is no longer possible, like wishing for a different outcome. Instead, try to focus on what is within your realm of influence and control.
Volunteer for meaningful organizations and causes.

Helping children cope

Parents should pay close attention to their children’s’ reactions and behavior around the anniversary of traumatic events. Non-adult children may not possess the emotional insight and language to identify their feelings, let alone communicate their feelings or ask for help. Children are also more likely to demonstrate their feelings through changes in their behavior.

Here are some tips to consider:

Validate and listen to children’s feelings without judgment.
Notice changes in behavior. This could be anything from changes in sleep patterns to becoming more attached or, alternatively, keeping more distance from family members or friends.
Use language children can understand, talk to them about what they may be feeling and reassure them that you are there for them.
Offer children space to express their feelings and ask questions. Be honest and reassuring.
Avoid forcing them to talk.
Do not make promises you cannot fulfill, like, “This will never happen again.”
Maintain a predictable schedule. Predictability tends to help children feel assured in what is to come next, which can help offset feelings of unease or uncertainty that trauma may invoke.
Encourage children to eat nourishing foods, stay hydrated and practice healthy sleep habits.
If you know a child will likely be affected by an anniversary, it can be helpful to communicate with their teachers if they are at an age where that would be helpful and not invasive.

Helping survivors of the Marshall Fire

You may find yourself empowered and motivated to support a colleague or friend who was impacted by the Marshall Fire.

Here are some tips:

Listen for understanding and validate their feelings. If you’re unsure what to say, try to keep it simple with statements like, “I’m here for you, and I’m with you”.
Don’t advise, provide feedback or try to make light of the situation unless you’re asked.
Not sure what to do? Ask how you can be there for them.
Invite them to participate in a shared hobby.
Don’t be afraid to check in—it’s a misconception that checking in about a potentially difficult topic can make things worse or feel invasive. Do so with genuine care and, ultimately, respect their wishes. If the outcome is not what you were expecting, take a breath, reflect upon your intent and respect their wishes. Checking to see how someone is doing is not about ourselves or our own egos.
Keep your promises. If you say you’re there for them, be there for them when called upon.

Conclusion

The Marshall Fire disrupted many community members' sense of safety and comfort, whether they were directly or indirectly affected. The wildfire uprooted families and neighbors, changing the landscape of communities, in some cases permanently. Practicing mindfulness and letting go of things that are no longer possible affords you a chance to process grief and recycle that energy into the people and things that meaningfully contribute to your life and the important lives around you.

Learn more ways to help yourself and others following a traumatic event

Support resources for staff and babyֱ��app

There are a variety of support resources on and off campus that are available to those who were directly or indirectly impacted by the Marshall Fire.

On-campus resources

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

The Faculty and Staff Assistance Program is dedicated to serving the mental health needs of CU staff and babyֱ��app members. Employees can receive free short-term counseling with a licensed FSAP therapist or clinical intern. In addition to individual counseling sessions, FSAP provides relationship and family counseling services. Counseling is available in person and virtually.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for those who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic or disturbing event. OVA’s counselors and advocates are trained and experienced in trauma counseling and serve as CU Boulder’s trauma experts. Counseling offers clients a safe space to explore and process what they have experienced and to develop skills to move forward in their lives.

AcademicLiveCare (ALC)

AcademicLiveCare is a telehealth platform that allows CU Boulder staff and babyֱ��app to schedule medical and mental health appointments virtually. Through this program, you can see board-certified healthcare professionals from your home, office or anywhere you go. All you need is a smartphone, computer, tablet or other mobile device.

Thriving Campus

Thriving Campus is a free service that can help you connect with community mental health providers based on your interests, needs and insurance plan.

CU Boulder Fire Resources

Learn about assistance programs that are available to CU staff and babyֱ��app impacted by wildfires. Resources include financial assistance, housing and food assistance, counseling and advocacy, leave policies and accommodations.

Mobile Food Pantries

The mobile food pantry is free and open to CU Boulder students, babyֱ��app and staff, as well as community members of Boulder and Broomfield Counties. Food will be distributed on a first-come, first-served basis. Attendees will receive up to 30 pounds of food in multiple boxes.

Community resources

Boulder County Marshall Fire Recovery

Find information and resources for those impacted by the fire as our community begins the healing and rebuilding process.

State of babyֱ��app Housing Recovery Program

The goal of the State of babyֱ��app Housing Recovery Program is to provide additional resources for rebuilding to those who need assistance in order to remain in their communities in the wake of a natural disaster. Disaster-affected households can apply for grants or loans through this program.

Real Help Hotline

The Real Help Hotline gives you access to professional counselors who can offer assistance finding local resources or provide immediate crisis counseling. It’s a free and confidential service and it’s available 24/7. The service is available to all members covered under any of CU’s medical insurance plans.

If you need help, reach out. The number to call is 833-533-2428.

babyֱ��app the author

Stanley Ly is the director of the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program at University of babyֱ��app Boulder. In 2014, he provided psychological first aid and trauma recovery tools to individuals affected by the floods in Boulder County in 2013. Over the past 15-years, he has worked with sexual assault crisis hotlines, hospitals, jails and higher-education universities providing counseling and psychological support for individuals in Boulder, CO and surrounding areas.

The one-year anniversary of the Marshall Fire may bring up strong reminders or memories. Professional counselor Stanley Ly gives advice on what to do about anniversary reactions, helping children cope and more.

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5 things everyone should know about trauma

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Sep 2022 06:00:00 +0000

5 things everyone should know about trauma Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 09/08/2022 - 00:00

For many of us, trauma can be challenging to define and even more challenging to talk about. Here are five things everyone should know about trauma and ways to support a friend or loved one.

1) Trauma is subjective

One of the reasons trauma can be hard to define is because it is subjective by nature. It’s not always the circumstances of an event that determine whether or not it is traumatic for a person. Instead, it’s important to look at the subjective emotional experience a person had in that moment. The more helpless, overwhelmed, out of control or scared a person feels during an event, the more likely it is to be traumatic. It’s also important to remember that while trauma is often associated with events that threaten our lives or safety, something can be traumatic even if it didn’t involve physical harm.

2) Trauma can encompass multiple experiences

Emotional and psychological trauma can have a number of causes, some of which are often overlooked. Here are a few causes of trauma.

One-time events, including:

Serious accidents or injuries
Assault or physical attacks
Sexual assault
Natural or person-made disasters
Targeted or community violence, including mass shootings
Sudden death of a loved one
Witnessing a violent accident, event or encounter

Ongoing distress, including:

Racism, discrimination or prejudice
Harassment or bullying
Police brutality
Domestic violence and intimate partner abuse
Unsafe neighborhood or living situation
Chronic health conditions
Community violence
Stalking
Refugee or undocumented status
Abuse or neglect
Trafficking
Food or housing insecurity

Events that may be overlooked, including:

Surgeries
Significant breakup or divorce, which can include custody disputes
Childbirth, abortion or miscarriage
Early childhood experiences, including abuse, neglect or feeling unsafe
Hospitalizations, diagnoses or serious health conditions
Substance use disorders in a relationship or family
Job loss
Workplace distress

3) Traumatic events aren’t always experienced first-hand

People who work closely with those who have experienced traumatic events can develop secondhand or vicarious trauma. This is common for professionals working in victim services, law enforcement, medical services, fire services or other allied professions, including university staff and babyֱ��app.

Vicarious trauma occurs when a person is repeatedly exposed to trauma through other people. This can include listening to people recount their traumatic experiences, hearing about the aftermath of an event, reviewing case files or responding to incidents, among other work duties related to trauma. Anyone who works with survivors of trauma or violence is at risk of being negatively impacted by vicarious trauma, which shares many characteristics of first-hand trauma.

Learn how to identify and mitigate the impacts of secondary trauma.

4) People may respond differently to traumatic experiences

Traumatic experiences can elicit a wide range of responses, and not everyone will react to a traumatic event in the same way. It’s important to know that this is common. There is no “right” way to respond or react when we experience trauma. However, if you are worried about a friend, colleague or loved one, here are a few common signs to watch out for.

Physical signs

Body aches or pain, including headaches, stomachaches, backaches
Sudden sweating or perspiration, even when it’s not hot
Heart palpitations (fluttering)
Changes to sleep, appetite or libido (interest in sex)
Constipation or diarrhea
Easily startled by noises or unexpected touch
Increased susceptibility to illnesses due to immune system impacts

Emotional signs

Anxiety, depression
Denial, shock, disbelief
Increased need for control
Feeling helpless
Shame or guilt
Difficulty concentrating or remembering things
Numbing, restricting feelings
Irritability, restlessness, anger
Flashbacks
Panic, feeling out of control
Hyper-awareness or -alertness
Nightmares
Mood swings
Destructive coping or addictive behaviors (drinking, gambling, high-risk activities, etc.)

Social signs

Relationship issues, such as avoiding intimacy or increased personal conflicts
Withdrawing from others, isolating
Difficulty trusting others
Worrying about being a burden to others
Minimizing the experience to themselves or others (“it wasn’t that bad”) or repression (“forgetting”)
Lack or decreased participation in activities, hobbies or events that used to be enjoyable
Academic, social or work difficulties

Note: While these are common reactions that a person can have after a traumatic experience, this list is not exhaustive.

5) Supporting survivors is key

When upsetting things happen and people need someone to talk to, they will usually turn to a friend, colleague, family member or someone they trust before seeking out professional help. Understanding how to support someone who has been through a traumatic experience and how to help connect them with resources is a valuable skill.

Here are some ways you can help support a survivor.

Make sure they’re safe

If someone tells you about a traumatic, distressing or disturbing experience, it’s important to check in with them about their physical and mental safety. You can help address immediate safety concerns by asking if they:

Feel safe
Have a place to stay
Need help calling a friend, police or the Office of Victim Assistance (confidential)

Listen without judgment

Ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding of what they’re feeling and what they may need. Even if you’ve had a similar experience, avoid the temptation to say you know how they feel. Instead, practice active listening, validate their feelings and avoid giving advice.

It can also be helpful to remember the acronym TALK:

T: Thank the survivor for sharing with you
A: Ask what would be helpful (and understand that they may not know)
L: Listen non-judgmentally
K: Keep supporting them, keep checking back in

Normalize their feelings

Normalize and validate their feelings. This doesn’t mean that you’re normalizing the bad thing that happened, but instead you’re affirming that their response to it is understandable. People respond to traumatic events differently. However someone is feeling or acting, it’s normal. This may include laughing, crying, anger, numbness or other responses.

Stay calm

Remain calm during the conversation and avoid letting your own emotional response interfere. Remember that you can’t “fix” the situation, make the person feel better or take their pain away. Sometimes it’s most effective to sit with them and listen.

“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.” — Bipratik Saha

Follow their lead

When someone has experienced a traumatic event, it’s important to let them take the lead and decide what they want to do. Avoid telling them what to do or how to feel about their situation. Instead, help them explore options for additional support or next steps, and don’t pressure them to take action. If someone makes a decision about how to move forward that you don’t agree with, avoid sharing your disapproval. Instead, let them know that you support them and are there for them.

Campus resources for students

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, babyֱ��app and staff who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event.

Confidential resource

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS provides mental health support for all CU Boulder students, including mental health screenings, brief individual therapy, group therapy, workshops and more.

Confidential resource

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)

SSCM provides support for students throughout their time at CU Boulder. They are here to help students identify issues and appropriate resources. They also work collaboratively with students to develop an action plan.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

WellCU Training

The WellCU series offers concrete skills and information about topics that are highly relevant to student health and well-being. Students can attend any individual session or attend all five to receive a non-degree certificate. Topic areas include party smart, supporting survivors, de-escalation, suicide prevention and self-care.

Campus resources for staff and babyֱ��app

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, babyֱ��app and staff who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event.

Confidential resource

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

FSAP is committed to promoting the mental and emotional well-being of CU’s staff and babyֱ��app. Licensed staff counselors can offer confidential consultations, brief individual therapy and a variety of self-care workshops at no cost to employees of the university.

Confidential resource

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

Supporting Student Resiliency Training

The Supporting Student Resiliency Professional Development Series provides CU babyֱ��app and staff with concrete skills to better support students. Sessions focus on areas critical to student retention and success. Faculty and staff can attend any individual session; those attending all three will receive a non-degree certificate.

Health and Wellness presentations

Health and Wellness Services provides a variety of free presentations by request for staff, babyֱ��app and student organizations, including but not limited to:

Supporting Survivors
Impact of Trauma and the Healing Process
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Self-care for Vicarious Trauma
The Trauma of Oppression

Mandatory reporting policy

Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.

Learn more about mandatory reporting

Trauma can be challenging to define and even more challenging to talk about. Here are five things everyone should know about trauma and ways to support a loved one.

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Tips for navigating and coping with grief

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 20:23:19 +0000

Tips for navigating and coping with grief Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 03/23/2022 - 14:23

Grief encompasses all of the ways we respond to the loss of someone or something that is important to us. Grief manifests in different ways for different people, and it’s important to remember that there is no one ‘correct’ way to grieve. Whether you or someone you know is grieving, here are some tips that can help you navigate and cope with grief.

Life events that can trigger grief

There are a variety of events that can trigger grief. Sometimes, losses are concrete, such as when a loved one passes away. Other losses may feel more ambiguous, such as when we move to a new place, change majors or break up with someone.

Here are a few examples of life events that can trigger grief for students:

Death and dying

The death or impending death of a friend, family member, significant other, pet or loved one.

Serious illness

Coping with a terminal or life-altering illness or the illness of a loved one.

Divorce or separation

Life changes, like the divorce or separation of one’s parents, or other serious family conflicts.

Academic challenges

Students may fall short or not reach the level of academic success that they expected. This can include things like test scores, GPA, admission to a specific degree program or other academic milestones.

Relationship struggles

Coping with relationship problems from general conflict to abusive behaviors. This can also encompass the end of interpersonal relationships, including friendships or romantic partnerships.

Career challenges

Students may grieve the loss of their ideal career, struggles securing a job after graduation or difficulties related to financial security or debt repayment.

What does grief feel like?

People who are grieving may experience a wide range of reactions and emotions. Feelings of grief can be intense or subtle. It’s also normal for feelings of grief to surge and subside over time. Here are some common symptoms that people experience during the grieving process:

Remorse: A grieving person may become preoccupied by what they could have done differently to prevent a loss from happening or to alter the outcome of an event.
Anger: Individuals may feel a sense of injustice or powerlessness over their situation, which can lead to feelings of anger or vengeance. Loss can also threaten beliefs that we hold about ourselves or the world around us, which can lead to feelings of confusion or regret.
Denial/numbness: Sometimes people need to distance themselves from significant losses or pain. This can show up as denial or numbness around a particular event or loss.
Feeling down: After a loss, people who are grieving may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness or hopelessness. Some people may retreat or withdraw from social groups after a loss or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, especially if they are associated with their loss.
Physical symptoms: Emotional stress and grief can also cause a variety of physical symptoms, including headaches, nausea, stomach pains, changes in appetite, insomnia and other ailments.

Learn more about symptoms of grief

Supporting someone who is grieving

Grief is often misunderstood, and it can be a tricky subject to approach, especially if someone has experienced a loss. However, there are ways that we can support ourselves and others through the process.

Ways to take care of yourself while grieving…

Take care of your basic needs. Rest, eat well and stay hydrated. For some, it may also be good to embrace physical contact (like hugs) as part of the healing process. Get more self-care ideas.
Take time to grieve. Grief can sneak up on us when we least expect it. Try to dedicate time to grieving. This will give you a structured way to get it out, while enjoying moments of peace during other times of the day.
Connect with others. Surround yourself with people who will let you experience your feelings, whether you need to cry, sit in silence or tell someone your story again and again.
Channel your feelings. Find an outlet for your feelings. Journaling can be a great way to express and externalize everything that is going on inside of you. You may also find talking to be helpful. Find what works best for you and dedicate time to working through your feelings.
Be patient. Your grief may take longer to process than you or others expect. Be patient with yourself as you work through your feelings and show yourself kindness as you move through this process.

Ways to support someone who is grieving…

Reach out. Grief can feel isolating, so it’s important to reach out to our loved ones who are grieving. Check in with them and let them know you’re thinking about them.
Help out. Offer support by helping out with household chores, meals, planning social events or other tasks that may feel overwhelming.
Listen to them. Take time to listen to your loved one and let them express their emotions. Avoid sharing judgment or advice. Instead, try to simply be there for them.
Don’t avoid the subject. If someone lost a person they were close to, don’t worry about avoiding the person’s name or bringing them up in conversation. Remember that the loss of someone doesn’t mean they should be forgotten.
Encourage them to seek support. If someone is struggling with grief or depressive feelings, encourage them to seek support. Campus resources are available for students, staff and babyֱ��app.

Resources

Student resources

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS offers short-term counseling, consultation services, workshops, community referrals and crisis support for CU Boulder students and graduate students.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term counseling services for students, grad students, babyֱ��app and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer Wellness Coaching is a free service available to students to help them set and achieve wellness goals. Peer wellness coaches are familiar with a variety of topics, including stress, relationships, academics, self-care, sleep, finances and more.

Health Promotion

Health Promotion offers free weekly programs that focus on self-care, community-building, stress management and more. Topic areas change weekly and events are open to all students.

Staff and babyֱ��app resources

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Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

FSAP provides free short-term counseling for CU Boulder employees both in person and online.

Wellness events

FSAP offers a variety of free wellness events throughout the semester that focus on self-care, community care, personal growth and support.

Grief encompasses all of the ways we respond to loss of someone or something that is important to us. Here are some tips for navigating and coping with grief.

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Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers)

Anonymous — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 06:00:00 +0000

Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers) Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 11/04/2021 - 00:00

Sometimes drinking can lead to unintended consequences (like hooking up with a roommate or kissing your ex). Navigating sex can be complicated, especially if alcohol or other drugs are involved. Here are answers to some of the trickier questions around drinking, sex and consent.

What is consent and how is it given?

Consent is when people mutually agree to engage in sexual activities, whether it’s kissing, touching or sex. Consent consists of words or actions that create a clear understanding of what’s desired. It’s essential to making sex pleasurable.

It’s important to establish consent before fooling around. Consent is about setting personal boundaries, respecting the boundaries of others. It’s important to check in if you’re unsure or things seem unclear.

Here are some consent essentials:

No one should feel pressured or obligated to engage in sex or be incapacitated by drugs or alcohol.
Someone can change their minds at any time during a sexual encounter and that choice must be respected.
Agreements are conditional. For instance, if you consent to sex with a condom and your partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent.
Consenting to one sexual activity doesn’t mean you’ve consented to others. For instance, just because you are making out with someone doesn’t mean that you’ve automatically consented to have sex with them.
Enthusiasm is key! When people are excited and actively participating, sex is always better.

Is sex always considered nonconsensual when people have been drinking?

No. The use of alcohol or other drugs, in and of itself, doesn’t automatically mean a person is unable to consent. However, alcohol and drugs make it more difficult for someone to clearly consent. When in doubt, it’s best to hold off on engaging in any sexual activity. Additionally, substance use cannot be used as a defense against allegations of sexual misconduct.

If you and your partner have been drinking at all, it’s best to check in verbally and regularly when having sex. Ask things like:

Do you still want to do this?
Is this okay?
Does this feel good?
Are you having fun?
Do you want to keep going?
Do you want to stop?

Listen to your partner, pay attention to nonverbal cues and respect their boundaries. If they have difficulty responding to questions or aren't answering directly, stop until you know clearly what they want.

How much does someone need to drink before they can no longer give consent?

The impact of alcohol and other drugs varies from person to person. However, if someone is incapacitated for whatever reason, they are no longer able to give consent.

Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a rational, reasonable decision because they may lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when and why” of a sexual interaction. Incapacitation is often associated with alcohol or other drug use, but it can also involve other factors like sleep, illness, injury or disability. Here are some signs that indicate a person may be incapacitated and is unable to give consent:

Disorientation. Someone may lose track of where they are or who they are with, seem confused, forget basic information or repeat themselves (lack of short-term memory).
Loss of motor control. Someone may have difficulty performing tasks like inserting a key into a lock, getting something out of their wallet, walking on their own or dressing and undressing themselves.
Unconsciousness. Someone may be unconscious, coming in and out of consciousness, asleep or passed out.

If these factors are present, consent is not possible regardless of what the person is saying or doing.

Engaging in sexual activity when someone could have understood a person to be incapacitated is considered sexual assault.

What if people are in a relationship?

In many relationships, consent doesn’t always entail an explicit conversation about sex every time it happens. However, romantic or sexual involvement with someone doesn’t give that person permission to have unwanted sex or contact with someone. Incapacitation still applies even in relationships. Navigating different sex scenarios within a relationship is a personal experience, and it may be something to discuss with your partner when you are both sober.

Campus resources

Don’t Ignore It is an online resource to explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is – don’t ignore it.
The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) provides free and confidential trauma-informed counseling and advocacy support to undergraduate and graduate students, as well as staff and babyֱ��app. They can help people navigate resources, explore reporting options, and/or process the impact of the experience. Students can also connect with OVA through e-Ask an Advocate. This service allows students to connect with an OVA advocate online through a secure video chat. e-Ask an Advocate counselors can help provide insight, solutions and information about additional resources as well as information about one’s rights and options around traumatic experiences.
The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) helps implement and enforce university policies around sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse and stalking, among other unwelcome behaviors. If you or someone you know in the CU community has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Individuals can also report something anonymously to OIEC.

More Health & Wellness Articles

Navigating sex can be complicated, especially if alcohol or other drugs are involved. Here are answers to some of the trickier questions around drinking, sex and consent.

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